hampshire spreads its seed

IMPORTANT FACT OF THE DAY: Naomi Watts is pregnant. Now, you probably don't care about this in any conceivable way, unless you're my best friend Amy, who's convinced that Naomi Watts is actually dating Nicole Kidman and sinks into a deep depresssion every time evidence of their mutual heterosexuality surfaces. But this is not the blog for hot, deluded lesbian fantasies. (If you want that blog, though, just let me know and I'll get you the link. I've got it bookmarked). This is the blog for Hampshire news and commentary, and Naomi's pregnancy is absolutely Hampshire news. Why? Because her babydaddy is none other than Liev Schreiber, our very own Hampshire movie star alum. And what does this mean for you, bright-eyed, eager prospective student? FACT: If you come to Hampshire, you will someday impregnate a movie star. Seriously, it's in the Admissions literature. Even if you don't particularly want to, as a Hampshire graduate, you are fated to parent a Hollywood super-child. Now, if that's not your thing, you can go to Columbia or Harvard or Princebrownstanfordtonia, but when you're managing your dumb multinational corporation and curing cancer or whatevs, I hope you remember that you could have had a really ridiculously overhyped pregnancy, and you just gave that dream away. And then I hope you turn on your plasma TV and see me cradling my infant child, who will be the spawn of such famous parents that it will literally be born with Cartier diamonds instead of eyes. Which sort of sucks for the kid, but it'll be a great fashion accessory.

SECOND-MOST IMPORTANT FACT OF THE DAY: All I've eaten today has been cupcakes. And so many shapes and kinds of cupcakes! I was working in the back office at the Eric Carle when my boss walked in carrying an actual dessert platter of cakes, cookies, and delicious gooey baked goods. I was like, "Oh man, you totally got my memo about how work study students should have personal pastry chefs on-call 24 hours a day. Sweeeet." But apparently that crucial change hasn't yet been implemented, because the desserts were really just from prospective chefs vying to take over as the new manager of the Museum café. Though I still think I deserve someone to follow me around and produce top-notch creme brulee the minute I think of it, this was pretty much the next best thing, because there were so many delicious treats around all day. It also means I'm kind of on a sugar high, which is probably why I'm doing a blog update on Naomi Watts's pregnancy instead of cleansing myself of the slushy, greenish snow crap that fell from the sky last night and is now caked onto my skin. Aren't you glad I'm so good with imagery? Who doesn't want a little slushy, greenish snow crap in their day, huh?